Ellen’s Cheap Church: The Church You Need For One Low Low Discount Payment

One Possible, Terrible, Yet Not Terribly Unlikely Future

I’m convinced that if Trump debated Biden on national television, he could show up unbathed, unkempt, and drooling, comb over amok, with a blank stare in his eyes, babbling like an infant, and about 15–30% of Americans would cheer and say he was a genius for treating Biden with well-deserved disdain. A small, connected group would work diligently to translate Trump’s babbling into wise words (for others) to live by, Trump being the fool’s wise man. They’d translate Trump’s disjointed syllables into a guidebook for living and start a church, the Truch, where worshippers could glory in Trump’s dementia and pay him, his family, and henchmen lots of money.

The top rule would be something like: Thou shalt give 20% of your weekly income to the Truch. There would be some sort of reverse sliding scale for annual gifts, where the poor give more than the rich, the richest being exempt.

The top executives of the Truch would make large tax-exempt salaries, and the rest of the money would invested in hedge funds, venture capital pseudo-tech projects, private equity nursing homes, Trump properties, and other real estate.

The Truch would require rank-and-file members to obey a long list of rules not applicable to Truch insiders and leaders. The Truch would monitor non-exempt members, 24/7, probably using one of those smart home devices from the company that makes the…